Day 121 - Pub Quiz

Hands up, who works hands on in the  in the catering / hospitality industry or sector? I would seriously love to hear from you because I have some questions that need answering, questions that I have stoked my brain (yes I have one) to produce answers for but sadly they have alluded me after all these years. I have been privy to these questions over the years, posed in different methods it has to be said by different people and in different accents, but usually the all ask the same things.

This is a bit like a quiz, if you can tell me the answer that I think best answers the questions you shall win an all inclusive, and exclusive, write up of just how great you are which mentions your name, your occupation, your date of birth, your address and just how clever I think you are. Some of the questions will be tricky, some will surely test your application of logic, some will test you general knowledge and others will challenge your mental agility. These are all questions, and some are statements that defy logic, that I have heard repeatedly, both here and in SA. And they are (please note that this is not exhaustive list) as follows:

1. Customer to me, the DJ, 'we want to leave just as soon as you've played my favourite song'...hmmm should I play it now or in 5 hours time?
2. If you play this song everyone will dance...again to me in mid set with a full dance floor.
3. Um I don't know the name of the song, can I sing it you?
4. Can you play something with a beat?
5. On changing the keg...'oh no can't have the dregs, will you change the pint?'....again hmmm this a test of stupidity (there are no dregs in a pasteurised keg) vs customer service isn't it?
6. In the old days when all pubs had to close at 11pm...'what time do you close?'
7. Again in the old days, stranger comes in ' can we get a lock in tonight' eh, no!
8. And again...the pub with its curtains shut after hours but the lights are still on... a bit obvious to any passing plod you would think.
9. 'Can I have mine out of that pump?' when you know it all comes out of the same barrel.
10. Rhetorical question from me to kitchen staff in SA 'how did it break?'
11. Can I run a tab, I'll pay it next week? (one of my favourites)
12. Currently...what you need to do here is stay open til about 4am, that way you'll clean up round here....
13. Currently...can we smoke in here?
14. No ive hjadnt haj nuff...by too much to drink customer.
15. We're not coming back because your prices are too low (yes people, a real comment on opening night)
16. 'Do you mind if I go and have a look at the flat upstairs...I used to live there you know in 19whatever.' eh NO!
17. 'Can I park my car all day everyday in your car park for free?'
18. Will you sponsor us but we can't promise to support you because we usually go to another pub.
19. In the nightclubs...'I know Neale, can I get in for free'
20. Again in the clubs when asking for ID...'I promise I am 18 honest, what! I can't come in, no I don't have any ID on me'.
21. He started it...
22. From a customers mouth in the restaurant, 'can you bring the starters first?'
23. And my all time favourite...my very best...'do you take cash?'

Ah yes, a sample only but one that will surely keep you entertained for hours...

Until tomorrow.