Day 62 – Tabloid News

I sat last night staring blankly at Sky News. I do this quite often, especially when I'm bored but also for a number of other reasons. Sky scrubs itself up better than the other news channel, it’s a bit tabloidy so probably appeals to me on that basis alone (I find CNN a bit too much of America is the center of the universe focused, and BBC, well the BBC is bit too bloody boring, and as for SABC news…its in English I think but for the life of me I can’t understand half of what they are talking about. You would think that 17 years into multiracial schooling there would be someone who could speak and pronounce proper English). So besides Sky going on and on about the subjects over and over again all day long and their persistent need to go to commercial breaks I still find it the most engaging, if a bit anal.

On the multi repeated news broadcast last night there were a number of things covered. In Chile, a string of volcanoes had erupted almost simultaneously. This was bound to cause them, and the people directly affected by them, to have a very bad day. Funnily enough, their eruption does not seem to have affected air travel, or at least they’re not talking about it. Can their volcanic ash and pumice be different to Iceland’s Kkjhasdjhjnflajflj volcano (ok I made the name of that Volcano up but I’m sure it sounds like that). Does its ash have a different effect of aeroplanes than the ash in Iceland? Or could it be that the Europeans are so safety conscious that they have over dramatized its effect?

Also in this broadcast, the wrong type of leaves blew onto the train tracks in northern England, causing almost the entire rail network to come to a grinding halt. These delays were exacerbated by the ongoing enquiry into the 1958 rail disaster where no one died but could have had the train left the station. A judicial decision is expected on this enquiry in the next decade or so.

In France, workers striking for more pay and a shorter working week (from 34 hours a week down to 29), rioted violently by refusing to take a mid afternoon nap. This completely affected the evening taverna trade.

In Portugal, new austerity measures were introduced, Peri Peri chicken is to become Peri Chicken without further notice. Illegal Russian and Moroccan immigrants in Portugal have indicated their displeasure at this move and have hinted at retuning home and have threatened to be a burden on their states coffers. In Greece, the rebuilding of the Parthenon has been suspended and men may from now may only wear one gold chain around their necks. Germany’s government has passed a new legislation for the saving of petrol by curtailing the maximum speed on the autobahns to 250kmh. In Italy, the Prime Minister may only have four mistresses and a wife, significantly down on last year’s performance.

And in other news, the FIFA community, the custodians of the beautiful game, have expressed surprise at Sepp Blatters move to have a World Cup every year. Inside sources have said that it’s all about the money (Surely not?) and have sent a not, in a brown paper bag expressing their dissatisfaction, at the amount. In rugby circles, it is reported that Italy is in contention to win the world cup, to be played later this year. They have reportedly jumped up the world rankings to 97, one ahead of Scotland and this is expected to boost their confidence ahead of the tournament. Pakistani cricket officials have reportedly signed a new sponsor. William Hill Bookmakers has said they are excited to be involved in the gentleman’s game and expect it to be a sound financial investment.

In politics, Julius Malema, the President in waiting in South Africa has returned to the country after his state visit to Gabon. Speaking briefly at Limpopo International Airport he said, ‘shoot the boer, its good to be home!’ He went onto say, ‘the white man, he has stolen my land so I am going to take it’. The minister of agriculture has expressed dismay at not having being invited to the shoot the boer festival. In Zimbabwe, President Mugabe has won his countries lottery again. When asked about this unbelievable streak of good luck, he commented, ‘It is because the British built the roads that is why we are lucky. They must go home and take their roads with them’.

Gaddafi, even further north, continues to believe he holds the world at ransom with his 2% of the world’s oil production. He has promised to vacate his fiefdom if and only if he is made All Conquering President for Life of the United States of Africa.

Strange Sky News world we live in. Don’t you think?

Until tomorrow.