Day 32 – This is Me (Part 6 - F.M.G.)

In Extreme Makeover, they build a house for a deserving family in 7 days – which I’ve just realized might be a play on religion? -  and on the seventh day, everyone in the town comes out and screams ‘move that bus’ to the hapless bus driver. The deserving family fall about with shock and awe and then get given more gifts that they could ever imagine. In November 2001 I built a niteclub with no local experience in four weeks and three days. And for 6 years thereafter it printed money (most of the time) and of course, with it, grew my ego and arrogance.

Years before that, whilst I worked in Birmingham, I used to walk past an old abandoned Ear, Nose and Throat hospital. It wasn’t far off the city centre and had a magnificent glass frontage looking into a double volume room with a regal staircase that encased and enveloped your view. My first words to myself when I saw this building were “Fuck Me Gently” and I used to imagine what this building would be like, what it would look like had it been turned into a night club.

My site in ‘texas looked nothing like this unfortunately! Located upstairs in a pretty drab mini strip mall type building but with some great upsides – visibility, main road frontage, attractive rentals, good parking, etc etc.

But nevertheless, and true to the original spirit I decided to call this night club that I was building FMG – which you now know stands for fuck me gently. Although unknown to me at the time, it was a name that people would speculate over for years to come and a business that they would compare everything to that came in later years.

Amanzimtexas had not exactly been spoiled for choice back then. Over the years various clubs had opened and closed in short spaces of time in different venues but one that had stood the test of time was Visions. Now understand that Visions was also known locally as Club Vomit and Cockroach corner, it was an absolute cess pit, but a successful and profitable business for its owners (who are nice people it has to be said). It was also easy to be measured against, even in backwater ‘texas! So on the 7^th December 2001 I opened the doors for the first time. We were upmarket, we were clean, we had couches and air conditioning, a reasonable sound system (that we upgraded over and over again as time went on), we had a dress code, we had professional bouncers, we had everything that ‘texas hadn’t seen before. And, sadly, because it was in ‘texas we fought every night for, I reckon the first 6 months, with every dick that thought they could do whatever they wanted. Our attitude stank, according to some, but when there was a queue running as far back as 7/11 it was amazing how nice they all became!

So from day one the place boomed. From opening everyday, from morning to night, we eventually started reducing our trading hours and by about the third year it was only three nights a week – and that was more than enough! Being in this holiday town meant that December was hectic but wow, we made stupid money that no single person should make. Because of our strategy of paying for celebrity DJ’s we were known the country over through radio announcements. December was our time, and we milked it!!

I met so many good people over this time, there are a few that stand out, some that supported me every night we were open, others that bent over backwards to help in difficult times, others that worked for me, often in trying circumstances, others that were available on call when I needed them. Wayne, Jacques, Tanya, Lappies, Wikus, JP, Ivan, Candice, Rodney, Marilyn, Dean, Luis, Dave, Whitey and the rest. You know who you are, so do I.

FMG was also the catalyst for me to grow personally and to think differently. I am of the type that does not like to be dependant on other’s services so for example, I taught myself how to DJ and for years I played quite often in my own clubs. I make no claim on being any good at it but it did keep me in the game and up to speed with current music. It also afforded me some nice toys at the time, like the ski boat and the nice cars.

Owning this business also opened a whole lot of other doors around town, as all of a sudden I had credibility in others eyes. Business offers were regularly made and it did lead me to buy another pub / bar that also printed money with little effort. Of course there was a folly or two, I made the mistake of thinking my DJ skill could be transferred to the mobile market and spent an incredible amount of money buying equipment. And it probably could have worked but what a mission! Lugging all that shit around and setting up and breaking down is not for the feint hearted.

And to put up with the drunk uncles and the miserable ugly sisters is not my idea of fun either.

Six years before eventually my lease ran out. The building in which we were housed changed hands and along came Mr. Misery Landlord with his self riotousness and refusal to extend the lease. (and the greatest justice? the premises that we moved out of then stood empty for the best part of three years!).

FMG holds a special place in my heart as it was both the beginning of the empire and as it turns out the undoing of it too.

I also think that FMG holds a special place in ‘texas history for quite a few people. I have often wondered how many people met their partners here and how many share fabulous memories of their mates here. I know I have some great memories.

Anyway, that’s FMG, you now know a bit more about the inside workings of it. I would love to hear your stories. And don’t forget to vote in the poll (top right) and share this with your facebook peeps.

Until tomorrow. God speed.